1. |
Remembrance
08:50
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I search my soul, for a way to retrieve the embrace of arms, the blinding of the sun. Eyes weathered, voice weary. The heart that gave blood for me. Never watched this one grow, never returned was the gift.
Cursed was the air you breathed for me… the dread you weathered for me...
I search the past and find the torment in you: the one who carried the burdens of all. I reach for the loving arms, I reach for the times. While I watch you fade… one by one, they all fall.
Looked up to this face and saw God. The promise of becoming more, the promise to grow strong. The dare of a dream, the dare of a hope… broken. The wretched one am I. Weak, withdrawn and pale am I.
The springs eternal. Death is eternal. Facing failure, torn asunder. Dreams of my hopeless heaven, reality elusive. Against her breast I knew not, that my joy was stolen…
As my skin becomes like leather against the world, still I reach for you. As the pressure behind my eyes builds, still I reach for you. Against my wishes, bereft of the right, still I reach for you. In shame, in anguish my tears are summoned as I reach for you…
She who suffers. She who judges not. I feel you bleed the air. I breathe of your despair. Who gives all life, soothes and cleanses. The rose in my cheek, I owe my rotting flesh.
Judge me, and find me worthy. For it is disintegration that I long for. I breathe your name as my life's blood releases, that I may die in worship under the gaze of the most cherished. In the poison of the day, I find only malice. You wreathe me in leaves and call to me with death…
I dream of the return, of the times things were better. With the wool pulled over my eyes, nursing the fantasy. Against her breast I knew not, all the good in me was made, of what they ripped from you…
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2. |
Dolor Nil Finis
09:57
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In waiting, in longing, the promises we made. So trusting, so fragile, hold out for the end. The pain shall never cease. Cast myself unto the abyss.
Naming my foes, in the guise of nature. Rebellion against form. Now treading through the water - the tempest of this life. I am silent. I am nothing. The self, I lost in the storm. It hurts me, O, it grieves me… the pain of always knowing…
Dark parasites beneath the flesh, turning skin transparent and severing the soul from the self. Splintered is my consciousness, embers burning into the residence of purgatory.
I will myself to vanish, take me far. Weakening now, so much more. With every passing morrow, the breath draws short. The will of this soul, stricken with grief. The onset of death, taking me gradually. All doubts and fears, my weakness has conquered me. Once again, the last of the hope subsides. My memories are drying.
Paralysed now by my demons, they jeer in sunlight, and taunt me. They will wait for me to fall… for they are perfect, and passing.
The pain shall never cease. Cast myself unto the abyss. This fleeting mind shall leave no legacy. A bruised soul shall fade then die…
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3. |
Forever Adrift
07:13
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In the midst of the fields overgrown, where we once sang jubilant before the absent spirits… I sit alone and turn my gaze inward. Our journeys lead us all away from the light, lost in the wicked ways of the old kind.
But to where have we arrived now? Where I once sought comfort, now I find mockery that greets me. From shadowed minds and hands, we have built these grand effigies that stand for nothing.
With our lostness now, so painfully apparent. What lay beyond, the margins of this life is no closer…
I weave twisted creations as I am compelled, with the knowledge that they do nothing to justify this presence. Yet here I sit, another one of them, transient, redundant. An unwise mind confronted with dreadful revelations.
My naivete buried in scales, reptilian. Praying without belief for the storms. At once we reflect the life of this time, of this plane, of fiery birth and the withering ends.
My whole self, a reflection - of the roads winding through the best of me, through the worst of you.
Better to be well-hid, to be consumed by the pursuits of tomorrow and yesterday, than cast into the dunes of the present!
Concealed, distracted, forever. We are adrift, forever!
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4. |
The Maledict I
09:31
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Why must we care, for what we cannot help? Why must we suffer, without a purpose? Why must we think, when there's no reason? Why must hope lie in what is not real?
For maledict is our nature. We weep for the cries, while the blood goes unseen. Together, we silence ourselves. For only torment is the fate of all of those, who dared to ask. Yet still we suffer for more.
For the pawn to become queen… to rule a crumbling empire. Continue the struggle, commit your sins, while knowing that you matter not. For the heart of the ruler… climbing over the piles of dead. To find your meaning, you silence yourself. And the wounds grow deeper.
The heart lost and spurned, it spells our fates. The lessons we learn? They drag us deeper. Our gaze so turns to the stars. Continue the struggle, though you cannot change.
For maledict is our nature, to never know true peace. To never feel true love. To find no reason, our misery mounts and spreads to the corners we know. Damnation bred in by design, peace known to only the heartless and the dead.
For the queen, now a player… endures the endless game. Continue the struggle, commit your sins, while knowing that you matter not. For the heart of immortals… the sorrow envelops as you ascend. To stare into creation, overcome. Death is the desire of the anguished divine.
Screaming against the void. Misery growing deeper. Further we ascend. Such is the curse.
Maledict is our nature. Such is the curse.
Turn your gaze to the endless night, and listen for the echoes. For surely the earth, has swallowed you whole, in its deranged staccato.
Make your decisions, in these idle moments you abhor. Never to see the other side, the path already set…
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5. |
The Maledict II
04:57
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Achieved power absolute, a new trial emerges to match. Sensations of the flesh dulled, from atop this apex you can only fall…
Fall!
For the pawn to become queen… to rule a crumbling empire. Continue the struggle, commit your sins, while knowing that you matter not. For the heart of the ruler… climbing over the piles of dead. To find your meaning, you silence yourself. And the wounds grow deeper.
Why must we care, for what we cannot help? Why must we suffer, without a purpose? Why must we think, when there's no reason? Why must hope lie in what is not real…?
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6. |
Porous
09:11
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The ice and salt of the Northern waters, settling within the bottom of my lungs. The streams that assailed me as I swam against them, with a wish to be pulled to the bed of the tides.
With the passage of time, my eyes have adjusted to the encroaching shroud, my lack of a purpose. My memories of you, of being someone else… sealed in amber, fantasies of a child.
The night is damp, thick in the deadened shades of black. I stand beneath the trees, watching the moonlight shimmering through their leaves, casting their shadows over me, Across the clearing to obscure me from view. Drinking the hot summer air, the winds washing over me.
Have all my years simply disappeared? Like nothing's changed, this old ache still remains…
The desire is still in me, cool and frail against my chest. I stood here unseen, and prayed to you…
Unworthy am I. Undeserving am I. You were my deity… porous was your beauty…
Mirror down your sun, to warm my face in this mire. My refuge in this darkness, I've paid for in my nightmares…
Nothing carnal or cerebral. Only you and only I, for a moment. For a moment, I could feel you. A fleeting time in which to worship, knowing this elation cannot be permanent, so unguarded and pure. And I know, this moment will never return.
Your hand against my cheek. There are no secrets here. I find the embrace of the earth and all that I know is love…
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7. |
Skies of Static
06:37
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Withdrawn, deep within the insular, where one sight pulled me out. Out of the lure of the light, body broken down, ones and zeroes, my life. Issues and conquests, promises broken. All signals lost, noises assailing. Cerulean flashes to enthrall and enslave. The sky is of static, the channel is dead…
The need to feel, the need to be, vicariously watching. Bereft I am of paths to carve, of wounds to heal!
The borders opened up and so I stand, lost and obscure under a neon light. Less than one out of billions, a drop in a lake, in a sea, in an ocean.
Starved of my sense of self. Virtues signalled, morals relative. Discarded, and misguided. Overfed in the feast of the drama.
Pandemonium, birthed by the righteous. Chaos sewn, staving off the nihilist. To the innermost, savage at heart. Overwhelmed, acquiescent.
Accepting defeat, horribly aware, passions and circumstances. Manipulated, manufactured. Shuffled out, conditioned out. The need to give in sacrifice, for hopeless martyrdom. Bereft I am. No good I've done. I've nothing left…
Silent cries, reason left behind. I am lost, my reality warped with static…
A strange form of bitter serenity, injected into me intravenously. Must the choice be made, of hollow faith, or hopeless surrender?
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8. |
The River Ophidian
12:29
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I had a fleeting vision of the journey, deep down into the canyon of old dreams. Took the outstretched hand of the ferryman, his features obscured. Down and out we set, and then he turned to me.
He said, “watch the waters”, and I looked, saw the rapids become as blood.
He’d spun tales of this place, this river ophidian, the sun setting in my eyes, whispered darkly a poem into my mind.
The winding ephemeral, the contours of fate. Beneath the undertow, lurk the lost. Deep against the gore - we drove. Deeper down into the blackened stream.
"Watch the skies," he said, and I saw the clouds angry red. The lightning scorched the heavens, of scorn and of rue. And the flesh closed in. The stream grew narrow. The whispers made screams, their hex made patent.
Into the end we flowed, and I saw the annex of my life. Saw the binds of my nerves. Saw the blood drying. Saw the clouds parting. The world slowly turning, to nothing…
Like the leaf falling, quietus follows.
"Watch the walls," he said, the rock become as flesh. Raw of marrow, pulsing, the blood flowed against us. In the faint red, the light went, and then the dreadful fog beset. He spoke of your future. The damned voices caressed the wind.
Dementia setting in. The passing, final. The legacy, voided. There is a core of you, just as there is of me, that cannot be touched, cannot be known. To know that core is the desire. It is one that I know. And within that core is a deep, mournful black bile.
I will give the things I crave. My hands and my head are yours. Partake of this submission. Indulge in your sorrows. I draw strength from your anguish. Reach for the centre. The point of zero. Of a mass infinite.
Breathe in. Find your comfort in me. Face the world with the strength of yourself. From the point of zero.
"This is you," he said, "and all you have known." To the nothingness, he faded. To the river ophidian.
His features revealed, as he vanished from time. I saw at the helm, the driver was me…
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The Maledict Mildura, Australia
Pron. "Mal-eh-dict".
Ian McLean
Karl Freitag
Stuart McCarthy
Steve Pay
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